The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs
by StephenMcTowelie
Summary: A rendition of the novel the boys wrote in response to "Catcher in the Rye." Rated M for language, sexual content and just being plain disgusting. Chapter 3 complete.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's note:**_ _This is another South Park meta-novel based on the book the boys wrote in an attempt to make the most offensive book ever written. I will try to make this as true to form as possible; what lines had been provided in the show and the scenes mentioned will be included with all the "vomit censored" parts replaced by whatever seems gross and appropriate enough for it. That being said this will have to be long enough to include 465 references to Sarah Jessica Parker. Also given that it is supposed to be nasty this story will be offensive to some readers, consider yourself warned. Obviously I do not own South Park or any of it's associated characters or concepts._

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Chapter 1

It was a warm summer morning when Scrotie McBoogerballs awoke to find his wart covered penis sitting in stale fetid diarrhea that had pooled up in his underwear overnight. He took a pair of rusty cum covered scissors and called his dog over to him. He then cut off his dog's drooping testicles and tossed them on the floor next to the cat's rotting nutsack he had lopped off last week.

Walking out of his house he spotted the bloodiest pus covered decomposing kangaroo fetus filled with maggots which he reached down and picked up. He immediately stuck it up his infected bloody semen soaked asshole. Afterwards he wiped his ass with his hand and licked his fingers clean.

Down the block Scrotie McBoogerballs ran into the ugliest creature he had ever seen, Sarah Jessica Parker. He thought Sarah Jessica Parker was a transvestite goat at first but when he realized it was in fact a human being he made her give his neutered dog a blowjob until his dog's bleeding ball stump sealed up.

Then he walked off leaving the foul creature with a mouthful of uncanny dog jizz that had been left over from before his balls were cut off. He couldn't get over how ugly Sarah Jessica Parker was; it was all he could think about on his way to the train station. He had seen a pile of used condoms swarming in flies feeding on rat shit that was less revolting than that monstrous bitch. The thought made him want to cut his own penis off and shove it into his eye socket, but he didn't because he liked his penis. He really, really liked his penis.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

When Scrotie McBoogerballs boarded the train he sat down in a puddle of three day old sour hobo piss. It felt warm and soothing to the skin on his thighs, covered in frothing opened sores oozing yellow fluid out of tiny holes. The train started rolling down the tracks passing a billboard featuring that foul bitch Sarah Jessica Parker. It was so disgusting that Scrotie vomited right into his peanut butter and moldy shit sandwich that he would have later that day. He wiped his mouth and yanked the cord to get off the train. Seeing Sarah Jessica Parker's salty cunt-face made him feel sick so he had to go see a doctor.

On his way to the hospital he saw a horny menstruating horse. This made Scrotie McBoogerballs curious. So Scrotie walked over and shoved his head up the horse's gaping vagina and chugged down a load of horse jizz mingled with the equine beast's menstruation soaked vaginal fluids. He gasped and almost forgot about Sarah Jessica Parker, but when that image came back into his mind he shoved his head back into the horse's snatch and wretched out the contents of his stomach.

Soaking in horse goo Scrotie walked into the emergency room and took a shit on a pregnant woman. He rubbed the milky turds into her hair until the doctor would see him. The doctor began by shoving a needle in his left testicle. Yellowish green bacteria laden cum shot out of the punctured testicle onto the Doctor's face.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

"I saw Sarah Jessica Parker." Scrotie McBoogerballs answered.

"Oh my, this is bad." the Doctor said.

"Give it to me straight Doctor." Scrotie said.

"You can't simply un-see that bitch. You can burn your eyes out and soak the sockets in week old semen and scald your brain with motor oil but it won't help. There's medication I can prescribe to help you with the symptoms however and you will need to come in three times a week for be to shove this scraper down your urethra to clean the dried out crusted man-splooge that will get backed up in there." the doctor told him.

"How much will that run me Doc?" Scrotie asked.

"Oh I'm afraid your insurance won't cover that. Miss Jessica Parker's rat feces eating lawyers sue anyone who tries to provide compensation for anyone who sees her hideous mutant retarded fish-frog-squirrel face. It's Obama's fault really for caving into the mutant lobby. It'll run you about 3000 dollars a session." the doctor told him.

"Holy shit!" Scrotie exclaimed. "I'll take my changes with holistic medicine." he continued.

So Scrotie McBoogerballs left the hospital and went outside where he left his dog inside an obese pimple covered man's asshole. He took his dog out and gave it a rim job before walking off to look for used condoms to put in his coffee. He shuddered at the thought of that horrid bitch he had seen. How could anything be so disgusting he thought? He jacked off into his dog's mouth and dropped a handful of bees into his pants before skipping off merrily to Starbucks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When he got to Starbucks he remembered that he had removed a herpes ridden cock from a cadaver in the hospital morgue prior to leaving. With a grin Scrotie took the cock out of his pocket and shoved it into his asshole crushing a few angry bees in the process. He sat down feeling the cock, stiffened by rigor mortis embedded in his ass. He proceeded to order a frappicino and asked the waitress, who was menstrating if she could granish it with a used tampon. Scrotie couldn't tell if she did or not because it was a cherry blossom frappicino that was red already. When he finished he skipped off to his job but when he saw Sarah Jessica Parker going into a McDonalds he threw up all over a little boy jerking off a pair of cats. The intense vomitting made Scrotie forget about his job so he simply did not go. Instead he found himself very hungry so he went into the McDonalds and got himself a Big Mac and a chocolate milkshake. He let his dog lick the bun before he took the first bite, the canine's mucus laden tongue lathered the bun in a slimy white bubbly film. When he went to wash down the burger he noticed there was butt cheese in his milkshake and not just any butt cheese, Sarah Jessica Parker's butt cheese. "How did that get in there?" Scrotie bitched out loud. The thought horrified him, the yellowing chunky butt nuggets of sweat, secretions and dried shit were disgusting, almost as disgusting as Sarah Jessica Parker's face. He tossed the milkshake in the trash can and saw that disfigured bitch winking at him from behind a McBooth. In rage Scrotie removed his postmortem pleasure pole from his asshole and proceeded to shove it down Sarah Jessica Parker's throat while searching for her testicles to cut off. When he realized she had none and this mutated freakish thing was actually female he ran, hoping that no disturbed onlookers in the McDonalds had called the police for animal abuse.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Scrotie McBoogerballs showed up to his job at the porn store and like always he had to jerk off into a cup and give it to his boss before he clocked in. His boss poured the semen in his mouth, swished it around to savor its salty sour taste carefully taking in every accent, every intricacy of its flavor before gulping it down his inflamed lesion laden throat hole. After his boss farted in his face Scrotie counted the cash in the register and then went off to clean the peep show booths. He licked up all the day old cum stains on the walls and floors of the booths until they were entirely spotless. He then polished the inner lip and under the toilet seats of every moldy rusted out discolored yellowing toilet in every single bathroom stall. Using his tongue and lips he cleaned the men's room, the ladies' room and the super spiffy cissy room, all three were sufficiently soiled to reek like a dead bloated raccoon that rolled around in rotten shit for months before dying. There was even a moist, corn chunked mound of fuming fecal matter in the center of one of the stalls that Scrotie snarfed down. After he was done he went out onto the sales floor and burned every last copy of any film which had Sarah Jessica Parker or anyone that looked like that fabulously freakish mutant on it. Even the smuttiest smut peddler had standards and Sarah Jessica Parker's dog face did not belong on the cover of any porno flick. Scrotie gave a free rim job and scat session to every customer that walked in the store and as a result he had completely sold every single copy of "Cream Pie for the Straight Guy" that his store carried along with several documentaries about the life and times of creatures within Mr. Slaves ass. Scrotie was aroused with the thoughts of bestiality and making love to a lamb so when he had the chance he sampled the store's secret stash of sheep fucker videos all while eating a stale goat placenta with a side of unrolled human testicles that he found in a bag of medical waste behind the store. Another work day came and went. He needed a vacation, thought Scrotie as he laid down on his urine drenched mattress after a long day's lustful labor. He knew just the place he would go; Amsterdam was lovely this time of year and with such a permissive society to boot Scrotie could indulge all of his pleasures without the stares of startled stiff twats. Perhaps he should go, Scrotie told himself before dribbling fresh piss through his soiled mighty tighty whiteys to add to the growing moisture on his moldy bed beneath him.


End file.
